Today I am not doing so good. I don’t feel so good about myself.
Every so often I find myself struggling with my purpose as a stay-at-home mom. It’s almost like because there is no dollar amount attached to the work you do there has to be some other tangible result to your days. Loving your children and taking care of the endless list of daily chores just doesn’t measure up to enough.
Unless I am checking things of a to-do list of things that seem like it should matter to the outside world (scheduling doctors’ appointments, paying bills, figuring out insurance, grocery shopping, preparing meals, cleaning, laundry running the 100 errands that come with having a family and children, going somewhere fun for the kids every day, spending time outside, not too much screen time, taking the dogs for walks, etc., etc., etc., into infinity) I just don’t feel like enough.
But then again, what do my children really need from me? Do they need someone who has checked 15 items off her to-do list or do they need a loving and balanced mother? Because trust me, I am not balanced when I try to get everything done while being present with my children.
Who am I really looking for approval from? If it is my children, then I already have it. If it is my husband, then I am doing it wrong. My husband works from 7:30am-3:30pm at an office where he can take a break whenever he wants to, where he can go to the bathroom by himself, where he can make a phone call pretty much whenever, where he can eat whenever he is hungry without having to share half of it. I am at home with two small children. All day. I feed them, bathe them, soothe them, play with them, keep them safe, cared for and loved. I don’t have set hours. I am on the clock as their loving mother all the time.
Just because I don’t bring home a paycheck does not mean my “job” is less important. My husband should be coming home asking what he can do for me, not vice versa. Don’t get me wrong, I am not bashing on my husband, he is wonderful man. I am simply working on shifting my own perspective. Because let’s be honest ladies, isn’t that usually where we go wrong? Our own perspective gets so skewed it doesn’t matter what someone else tries to tell us or do for us, we have already painted ourselves into a corner. A corner where we don’t feel good about ourselves, our day, what we accomplished, etc. etc. into infinity.
So, let’s work on changing that. Our perspective.